Another kick in the guts? Another beating while I’m down? Life has a tendency to deal bad things in threes, so my question is, what’s next?
Event 1: The sudden passing of my great grandmother, reducing five living generations to four. The immeasurable guilt of living the nearest to her, yet remaining the most distant.
Event 2: The imprisonment of my father after three gruelling court sessions over the past two days. Complete mental and physical exhaustion, the thought of my son’s rapidly approaching first birthday almost too painful to consider.
So I ask myself, why do bad things happen to good people? Am I really a good person, or have I bought this all upon myself with the decisions I have made and the actions I have taken?
There is only so much heartache one person can take. Only so many punches one person can roll with. When do we say, ‘enough is enough, you can’t hurt me any more’? Life does not listen, nor does life care. They never said life would be easy, but must it be so hard?
They say every cloud has a silver lining, that things always happen for a reason. Through the emotional haze that clouds my mind I can rationalise, my Gran is no longer suffering and is at peace. My father has been reunited with his first born son. In the grand scheme of things, 5 months is irrelevant, just a speed bump in the road of life.
Life, all powerful and all consuming. It invades every cell of our bodies, every blade of grass. It is all around us, though sometimes it is hard to detect. Like many things we take for granted, we don’t know what we’ve got until it’s gone. Life is the most valuable example of this. Whilst I am unsure if I can take another of life’s blows, I am thankful. Thankful that I have life to begin with, thankful that my life has yet to be lived. I may still be trying to figure out how to live my life to its fullest potential, but at least I have a life to live. I am thankful for the life I have lived and the life I am yet to live.
At the risk of jinxing myself, I have a question to ask of life, simply being, “What’s next?!”